Location: the waves, the ocean

Hoist the sails, raise yer bloody goblets, ahoy & onward me laddies!

Friday, April 15, 2005

Me Chest Hairs, Fine & Copious

Aye, indeed, dear poster, they be of fine silky gold, me chest hairs, & burst forth from me loose calico like an aureate phoenix, 'tis true. When, on certain morns, the sun slants just so & tinges me coppery bloom like dew fresh 'pon a daffodil, aye, 'tis a sight to behold, 'tis. Little known fact about yer dear captain, that just as certain battles 'pon the soil have involved the prestidigitation of mirrors, thrown sand or, as 'twas in Waco I hear, loud & hideous screeching, so 'pon the seas can a pirate employ the full faculty of his chest hairs, if their gleam be bright enough to blind a foe. Aye, last week as a matter of fact me ship came upon a small brigateen with naught but seven crew members, & ere we even resorted to a swift broadside I plucked me buttons & showed me golden bouquet & in that light 'twas like a devouring fire. Surrender, needless to say, was immediate. Among the spoils collected, me crew & I encountered the following:

1. Two treasure chests, the first veritably dehiscing with fine fashioned golden napkin holders, while the second was filled solely with chocolate "money" wrapped in golden paper.
2. A shrunken head.
3. Three muskets of antebellum Kentucky, along with a modern AK-47 & a paring knife.
4. The hoof of a mule carved into a cofee mug of sorts with an inscription of "World's Best Granddad."
5. A bounty of fine Indonesian silks.
6. A parrot cage remarkably decorated with the finest of Hasbro brand Barbie products.
7. No parrots whatsoever.
8. Several maps of Poghasset Bay & the surrounding environs.
9. A megaphone.
10. Costumes of a varied & scandalous sort, including, but not limited to, bovine, feline & canine full-body suits begarbed in second-rate hot pink lingerie. Curious.
11. Several lurid lithographs of mermaids in various & compromising states of repose.

Aye, there was more, but the list still be in the making as we plunder on. Yer cap'n will be sure to illuminate the freakish leanings of his captives o'er time, every one aye indeed. Until then, be off with ye & be swift with it.


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