Location: the waves, the ocean

Hoist the sails, raise yer bloody goblets, ahoy & onward me laddies!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Rosy-fingered Dawn

Ah, lads, when the clouds be to me East & they part like a mermaid's scales to reveal the hidden glory of the sun, aye, then methinks it best me brought me crew to southern seas! Yer cap'n has been occupied consistent-like since last me posted, & aye, mehopes ye find the blood of a viking 'pon yer hands & hooks, laddies, & a bottle bedside! Me good eye reveiwed me comments & found an inquiry into the general hygenic habits of the pirate, aye, & methinks it a good time to reiterate the present date to critics ere I broadside 'em with a clap of me hook. We be not pirates of the golden era, ye blasted & incompetent knaves, but pirates of the present day. Aye, we've seen much & learned by the examples of pirates past, we have, & just as no cap'n would push out with nary a citrus fruit to be found adeck, aye, no cap'n would find 'immself afloat with naught in the way of cleaning agents. Open yer eyes, ye daft pricks! This be the 21st century, aye, be it not? Ye unflagging dunce. Onward, if ye seek out the shit-bestrewn & the piggish, I encourage ye to voyage north to the land of the viking! Besodden, soiled spectacles of filth & privation, they be! & on a different note, baby medusa, what be ye thinking? Are ye too challenged with yer chronologies or be ye so delusional that ye think an infant of ancient myth can slither about me post making hisses at me words? Whatever happened to the notion of linear time, laddies, of A & B? Ye see a ship, ye broadside 'em, ye kill the bastards what guard the fo'castle, & off ye be with a bounty of yer own. Now ye'd have it all muddled like a Rubick's cube, aye, but that be some bizarre fetish of indolent stir-crazy fuckers ashore, it be! I say get yerselves a hobby, lads, or get yerself asea, for yer very notion of time is 'aving its way with ye I aver. I be raving now, lads, for the lunacy that tends to me words be enough for warring. I'll retire to the sundrenched poopdeck for a gulp of brandy methinks, & ye'll away to another era from the look of it.


Anonymous Cap'n Snowbeard said...

Aye, snow-beard I be, though 'tisn't age which has placed this rime 'pon me chin, lads, but dandruff. My query to you, Dagger, is this: what use ye in the way of cleaning products for the dandruff of the face which has come in these modern times as a gentler version of the mainge which did once beset a pirate so? I've dropped a few gold pieces on Seltson Blue, since it brought to mind the great bludebeard. I've wasted me silver on Head and Shoulders, only to find me own head and shoulders covered in me dried skin flakes. Help a pirate out, Dagger, and let me in on your secret.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Captain Bloodmeat Blueberry said...

Similarly, Dagger, I must inquire about ways to keep one's shirts unwrinkled at sea. Carry you a backup generator and ironing board? Or be there some trick with the mist and sun?

10:44 AM  
Blogger henry dagger said...

Aye, cap'ns both, ye ask worthy questions. to ye, Snowbeard, I respectfully cannot aver an answer for ye, as me own mane be naturally predisposed to a cleanly fullness, though me parrot pecks at the crumbs when she sees 'em, aye, which I reckon a mighty aid indeed. Bloodmeat Blueberry, for all yer name's implications ye've the wrong concerns on yer mind, aye ye have, but I'll let ye know a pirate's secret: wrinkle-free calico.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Captain Doctor said...

Little Daggerpants, answer me this:

How do you remove bloodstains from your bandana?

I got some on mine when i tied it round me tallywhacker

5:34 PM  

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