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Hoist the sails, raise yer bloody goblets, ahoy & onward me laddies!

Friday, June 03, 2005

Hjord, ye Petulant, Scabrous Dog

Hjord again defiles me post, as such a recreant misuse of tissue & organ is prone to do, laddies. For beneath 'is horned helmet, aye, & under the scab of a red beard he wears about 'is apish visage, there be naught but a wee shadow of a man, aye, one enveloped in myth largely due to the sad reality of 'is day to day life, lads. For what sadder reality be there but that of a Viking? A people once glorious, aye, I'll admit it, but now defiled, defamed, made weak by time & tide, cowering miscreants whose deeds be those of adolescence, as frivolous & as empty of impact. Aye, Vikings be a lesson unto as all, lads, that yer rhetoric be naught but a mosquiot bite when yer sword be drawn. Aye, a promise, Hjord, I'll dispatch of ye, & upwards to the Great Hall or downwards to Davy Jones' Locker, I care not where goes yer soul, but I assure ye of this: Dagger'll piss 'pon yer bloody corpse, aye, & defecate promptly into yer blasted antiquarian helmet! Ye be naught but a tick 'pon me hide, lad, who feeds not on me blood, but 'pon 'is own tumid hubris. Ye'll to the ocean's bed soon enough, Hjord, aye, or me name be not Henry Dagger.

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Dagger! As sure as mighty Odin's beard be long, as crystalline as the makeup of Bifrost, the great rainbow bridge to the skies, as heftily as the great Secretariat's 31-length victory at the 1973 Belmont Stakes, just as swift shall my people's vindication and retribution for these insults you have heaped upon us.

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