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Location: the waves, the ocean

Hoist the sails, raise yer bloody goblets, ahoy & onward me laddies!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Mine Ears've Heard the Horror

Lads, a good morn to ye, aye, but a raucous one here aboard me brigate, for a now indisposed matie brought to me attention the existence of a band of louts presuming to write pirate ditties with no eye for accuracy, lads. Aye, we speak of misguided youth what'll co-opt a shanty as soon as eat a Big Mac, laddies, & these miscreants, the decemberists, what's more, these miscreants lads grate 'pon the very ears they do like the curdling scream of a norwhale! For Christ's sake, lads, put yer blasted instruments to the deck, & ye who sings, stop up yer throat with a sock, lad, for ye've the very voice of a dying goose. Jesus, lads, what an affront to an honest pirate such filth proves to be! I'll to New England, aye, or California, or wherever needs be visited & there indeed I'll show ye a shanty, a ditty of the Golden Era or a bawdish tune to fit these modern times, aye. There be some verity in the godawful sounds of such a band, lads, for as ye know, Rogers 'isself, along with the likes of Blackbeard, carried in tow a three piece ensemble whose very purpose it was to psychologically torment opponents with dissonant & chaotic blasts of trumpet, drum & string, all out of tune, out of sorts, aye, a horrid assault on the auditory system lads. Yer cap'n wagers the same of these vascillating imposters, aye. Me rage at hearing me own music make a mockery of makes me hasten me brigate ashore, where me brandy awaits & me Elanore's abiding hand may guide me, aye, however briefly, afore I find myself kneedeep in blood again, in another cove, the brilliant sun shining 'pon me argent blade, which will plunge, lads, straightway where needs be, savvy. Ditty that, ye pesky posturing bafoons, ye degenerate thieves. Be there nothin' sacred, lads? Aye, & so be it, for me hook knows nothing of value or judgement.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Corporal Gary said...

Aye, Rogers, Blackbeard, AND Hammerstein would all turn in their graves at that whiny twit's overly concise annunciation. You've stated what too many fail to see, young dagger. On to January; let us leave those who bind its predecessor with suffixes for the sharks.

8:38 AM  
Blogger henry dagger said...

Aye, the insufferable gnute what wears a tweed vest & calls 'isself an antiquarian for holding a pipe & wearing spectacles! Such foppery is a disgrace, Corporal Gary, a disgrace indeed! July is further away!

8:45 AM  
Anonymous the bo'son said...

Aye, the both of ye, and what's more, this so-called band attempts a merry tune with nary a bo'son on board! What disregard for the wise and prudent advice of our forebearers, among them Cocke Lorell, who in 1500 did say "The bote swayne blewe his whystell full shryll." Aye, and "The merry Boson from his Side His whistle takes" (Dryden, 1685), and mark ye well what Falconer did say: "Thrice with shrill note the boatswain's whistle rung." Aye, & three swift meetings of boot and arse to these ninnies 'pon the water, lest they convince any more land-locked dupes of their claims to the lives of pirates.

12:49 PM  
Blogger henry dagger said...

Aye, bo'son, I've been privy to theor site, & nay, nary a mention of a bo'son! In yer stead, lad, there be photos, aye, of lads dressed abnormally, smudges under there eyes, aye, eyes which themselves be covered by rimmed spectacles! This farce gives me blood a boil, lads, verily, & such posture knows not of tide & wave, nay, nor loss & depravation! Aye, poor bo'son, ye'll ne'er be disgraced 'pon me ledgers!

1:23 PM  

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