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Hoist the sails, raise yer bloody goblets, ahoy & onward me laddies!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Bounty

Yer cap'n's been busying 'isself with bounty, lads, at the pooling & pulling to center stage of it, aye, for 'tween me crew & meself we've plenty of plunder to parse, some compliments of a British frigate that we came 'pon by the Barbary Coast, if ye know the place, laddies, where swales rush 'pon the dancing tide, aye, & the sun beats down with a fierceness I've yet to find paralleled, chapping yer dear skin for life, a fine, leathery chap me lads. But there be Bounty, 'pon me word, in the foecastles of such ships, there ensigns clear or no, lads, & the bounty be glorious in deed. Yer dear cap'n did prevail with naught but a tear in 'is side where a bullet did pass & a bit or two of shrapnel in me forehead to boot, but there be nothing new to that tale. In return, I did come upon the following:
1. A confederate hat once worn by one General Burnsides, if I am to believe the accompanying note
2. A deck of cards with photographs of fine women of the port
3. Two cases of wine from Burgundy
4. A necklace laden with the jewels of the Orient
5. A chest veritably dehiscing with various cloths, amongst them muslin, burlap, silk &c.
6. No less than seven cap'n's diaries from the Days of Yore, containing no small wealth of secrets re: certain whereabouts of certain treasures
7. An autographed Brett Hull jersey
8. A set of jacks cut from the ivory tusk of a Congo rhinoceros
9. Three shrunken heads of various & questionable origin
10. No less than $142.37 American, along with one penny apparently flattened 'neath the wheel of a train
11. One rabbit's foot
11b. One rabbit
12. A painting of some considerable merit depicting mermaids in various & sundry poses
13. A Swiss Army knife, blue
The spoils were many more, me laddies, & as yer cap'n says, we are but in the nascent stages of their exploration & thus any further exposition on the subject may prove premature, aye. If there be more of the matter, I'll keep ye abreast of't. Until then laddies I shall tend to me spoils & may the wind be at yer backs, less & you be a Viking, in which case, may the wind blow yer beard into yer throat until it suffocates ye, scurrilous pernicious scoundrel that God wrought 'pon the world much as 'e did small pox, vermin, bubonic plague & the like, ye maggot.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Hjort said...

Dagger! Return ye the Brett Hull jersey if you know what's good for ye. By the beard of Odin, 'tis a family heirloom of the Snjorlssons more precious than Loki's secret gold. What need has a pirate of the trappings of the great norse game of hockey, brought to Newfoundland by Leif Erricson so many years ago? Stick to the plank-walking and petty boat-jacking 'pon the high seas that has made you what scurvy fortune you may have, and leave the collecting and trading of signed sports memorabilia to a more hardy race. Aye, I mean the Vikings. And not those wankers from Minnesota, what with their party boat and their lasses of disrepute. Though I'd be remiss not to mention, Dagger, that I've a signed Randy Moss jersey from the season of ought one which might interest ye. Perhaps a trade?

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Abrahamlincolnbeard said...

Aye, a mermaid painting. Many a time have I stared lust'ly at such a painting in the captain's quarters, me mangoods in me hands, drenched in fish oil for a lubr'cant, only to be forced to get up and straighten the painting with every wave of th' turbulent sea. I keepe me mermaids level, boys, and sensation can wait!

12:15 PM  

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